😂 Blog/ Funny Quotes

M: Daniel, would you rather a cat or a bird?

D: Is a bird easier to take care of?

M: No, a cat is. 

D: a cat

Mom, I didn't know you know how to make these (grilled cheese).… I only thought these were dad sandwiches. Daniel 

Kids don't need treats at church. The gospel is the treat. -Mom

"Mom, I don't want to flush him (Derek) down the toilet. That's why I just bringed him in here. Andrew 

"Thanks Dad, for breakfast and thanks Mom, for throwing it at my face." -James

Mom: Would you rather a cat or a bird? 

A: Course a cat. 

Mom, do you have any six dollar bills? -Daniel 

Mom, the kitty isn't really working out for me. I think we should return it. Andrew (Who absolutely loves the cat, but repeating exactly what I've said)

Mom: do you want to have William over?

Daniel: yeah, I pretty much want to have everyone in my class over. 

Mom: Who are you?

Andrew: I is Andrew. Except when I put my Wookiee costume on. Then I is a Wookiee. 

Dad: what's your favorite food at Disneyland?

Andrew: shrimp. 

Daniel, while sitting on the seat heater in the car: "My butt is getting really warm and I'm not even farting."

After Mike kissed Andrew good night, he said: "Dad, I'm not wiping it off."

James: "I hate all kinds of sandwiches except for grandma's."

James: Mom, what's your favorite movie?

Mom: Boy, I don't know. That's a totally tough one. Maybe nacho liver bc I laugh hysterically. Maybe  Rapunzel or cars. Actually, maybe it's Fnding Nemo because that's when dad first held my hand after a temple trip. 

James: Really (Yuck)? Maybe it's his favorite too because it reminds him of 'finding' you. 

Andrew: Mom, you might earn a badge someday 

Mom: What kind of a badge? 

Andrew: Like a cleaning badge

Daniel: "orginami" origami

"Before earth we came from the pre-mortal kingdom" -Daniel 

Mom: Andrew, do you want to cut your fingernails?

Andrew: "No, I do that with my mouth. I eat fingernails. That is how yucky I am."

James: the school pizza tastes like cardboard 

 "James, do you know how much cardboard I've eaten in my life?" -Mike 

Derek jumping on Daniel like the pig toy:

Mom:  that's adorable

Daniel: no it's not, it's horrible. 

Andrew: mom, do you know what one month ago means?

Mom: what?

Andrew: it means a long time ago. 

Mom: Daniel, how are you feeling? 

I only have energy for exciting stuff. So like, not school and homework. -Daniel (home sick)

Mom: so Andrew, what's the (preschool) letter this week?

Andrew: U! For vacuum. (It's actually v)

This morning, while Derek was sleeping in our bed, instead of talking out loud in his sleep, he started nodding his head yes. Speaking in his language of choice :)

Andrew: "Dad, never say 'Derek, bite my finger.' Because he will."

First thing James says when I show him a Kylo Ren wallet: "how much money does that hold?"

"James, I took a selfie with Andrew and Derek. Now it's your turn." Daniel 

Cravenous. Crabby. Ravenous. 

The Easter bunny didn't come to our house. It was my dad. Andrews 

"James, mine is the chicken sitting on the eggs. The smart one" Daniel 

M: James, what something you're willing to do every single day this summer? 

J: "Play Legos."

M: James, how many camp out do you want to do this summer?

J: About like 100. 

"Mom, the way to fill your mouth with water in the swimming pool is to take a big bite like a shark. And then split it out." Andrew 

I can't smell the chicks because I turned my smeller off. Daniel 

While driving in the van: "Can we listen to that kind of music that we listen to in dad's car? Like shut up and dance with me." Daniel

It's a good thing we went to Westfield because in PE we do a lot of planks. Daniel 

"I'm batman." -Daniel in his sleep 

“James is a little diarrhea bug” - Daniel

Hanitizer (hand sanitizer) - Andrew

Containo (potato) -Andrew 

Andrew, it's your last day of preschool. Is it sad and exciting at the same time?

No, just sad

Mom: Riley, what do you want for your birthday? What do you like?

Riley: Mostly boy stuff. And mine craft legos. 

While pointing his finger at me & with a very serious face: "Mom, if you want me to be super nice sometime, I will have to fall asleep." Andrew

"Poopay. That means poopy in Spanish." Daniel 

"What? It does?" James

Well, maybe. Daniel

Mom: "OK, Harry and Lloyd..."

Daniel: "actually Mom, we're Lloyd and Lloyd because you gave us haircuts."

Daniel just told me that the only thing he wants to do is either go to Disneyland, or go to Disney World and a Disney cruise... he said fathers and sons would be OK too. 

That reminds me. In Indiana Jones X doesn't mark the spot. Daniel 

To be a Jedi. All dad needs is a real beard. A real light saber... And some hair. James

Mom, thank you for this freaking yummy food. I love this dinner as much as mom loves dad. Andrew 

I set a goal to not sneak into treats. And I've kept that goal and didn't do it. Daniel 

Mom, I would rather a cookie over a smoothie. And I'd rather a smoothie over a plate of broccoli. James 

Double check it like Santa (who checks it twice). James 

You just stepped in my gut (that fell out). Daniel 

Yolanda (the odyssey) is kind of a princess. 

Dad's car (pilot) is not a princess. James

Running mobile (Treadmill) -James

Mary has a little lamb. Chick, chick, chicka bam. 

Let's get groovn' and moven' Daniel 

Ooh, I see fiferworks (fireworks). Andrew 

Me no is faking. Andrew

I can't tell if corn on the cob is healthy. Because it tastes so good. Daniel

It's not your fingernail? Mom

No, it's my footnail. Andrew

James: Mom, what's in that package?

Mom: a book

James: what's it about?

Mom: the birds and the bees

James: ooh, I bet I'll like it then. I like birds and I like bugs too. 

James, do you want to sleep in the same bed as Daniel?

No, he wiggles all over me. 

Daniel, do you want to sleep in he same bed as James?

Yeah. 

Custard: yummy and sweet like custard, but a cuss & a turd. 

Mike: Who had the coolest dream last night?

Daniel: I did! It was raining fidget spinners. I was standing on our roof and I had a helmet on so it wouldn't hurt. 

Magicydabra -Andrew 

Maybe the sock is on the wrong foot. Andrew

The map said there are lots of mean bears and one nice bear -Andrew at mirror lake

Once his face went all the way flat. -James

Mom: Andrew, do you want a blueberry pancake or chocolate chip pancake?

Andrews: Chocolate chip 

Mom: Are you sure?

Andrew: Yes. I'm actually really sure. 

"I chew off my fingernails. But I just use toenail clippers on my toes because I can't really get them up to my mouth." Andrew

I'm a little booger... Because I come out of Andrew's nose. Daniel 

Daniel Tiger says "also mistakes can be good sometimes." Daniel

Mom: Where is your least favorite place to eat?

James: oh. That place with the chips. Bonita something. 

While playing hearts:

Daniel, you have a 2 of hearts? 

Yeah, I got it back, remember?

Earwigs look like long stretched out ants and their head looks like their butt and their butt looks like their head. Daniel 

Woopsie Doodles-Daniel 

James, do you want to come upstairs? I want to show you my farting chair. Daniel